Limits are Invitations
I have this friend named Katie. We haven’t seen each other in several years, mostly due to distance and busy schedules, but I think about her often. There is one thing in particular about her life that has deeply impacted me, a nugget of wisdom I turn back to that I wanted to put words around.
Katie has a few disabilities that make it difficult to live totally independently, but she has a bustling social life. She is genuinely so fun to hang out with and talk to. She’s smart, funny, and wise.
Beautiful Katie and I at the Farmer’s Market
A few years ago we arranged for her to spend the weekend with us in Raleigh. We went to the farmer’s market, went out to eat, went shopping, and hung out with friends together. We had a blast!
I began to notice that, just like clockwork every few hours, she would look to me and say, “Sam, I’m going to lay down for a rest.” And she’d just go, like a woman on a mission, no explanations or qualifications.
She’d lay on the couch or on the guest bed for an hour or so. She wouldn’t fall asleep. I’d hear her muttering under her breath, occasionally chuckling or giving a thoughtful “Hmm” while I prepped food in the kitchen or did work on my computer.
On the last day, I finally asked her, “Katie, what are you doing when you are resting?” And she said “I’m just relaxing. I just go up to heaven and spend time with God. We walk around and talk, I ask questions and he gives me answers. He gives me insights and shows me things he wants me to pray for.”
Jaw. Dropped.
She said it so matter-of-fact, as simple as if she were talking about what she ate for breakfast.
We all have physical and emotional limits on any given day, or in any given season. Some of us might have more limits than others - it may be due to personality type, a history of trauma, a disability, a physical or mental illness, a particular season of life, or a particularly difficult situation we are in.
It would serve us all well to sit down and commit to learning our realistic limitations, and the simple flags our bodies and emotions give us to let us know when we’re reaching those limits.
And a gentle encouragement that goes without saying - don’t compare your limits (or a perceived lack of them) to others’.
Don’t get me wrong - we can have perceived limits, too. We can think we are unable to accomplish something or follow through with something hard, and just give up without trying or gritting it out.
And while I’m all for pushing and breaking out of a box you may have put yourself in, how much richer of an experience would it be to have already stopped, asked God for rest, insight, and strength, and then come back to accomplish something, as Jonathan David Helser says, from a place of identity, not for a place of identity?
Limits, and knowing them, are not a sign of weakness.
Limits are invitations, and knowing those limits is a real strength.
Limits are invitations to rest and enter into God’s neverending availability and willingness to just hold us, to give us wisdom and insight, and to restore our strength - body, spirit, and soul.*
Jesus had limits, and we see that all throughout the historical records of his 3 years of ministry before going to the cross. He’d consistently go away from the crowds and into the wilderness to pray alone. He’d sleep when he needed to, sit and rest frequently, eat and share his food, and just talk with his friends. (Mark 1:35, 1:45, 2:13, 2:23, 3:7, 6:31-32; Luke 6:12-13; Matthew 14:13, 14:23 - these are just some of the examples we see in Scripture!)
When others were worrying about doing something, he was often found just sitting and chatting with people who seemed irrelevant or unimportant, alone talking to his Father, or, as in the case of the storm on the sea, just sleeping.
Paul even tells us to literally boast about where we feel weak because it’s God’s JOY to whoosh in and fill us up with a strength that isn’t ours - it’s HIS. (2 Corinthians 12:9) And HIS strength can do a heck of a lot more than our own alone.
You see, it’s not us mustering up the strength, it’s us surrendering. Wavin’ the white flag.
*Soul = mind, will, and emotions
I think many of us have come around to the realization that hustling, doing, proving, and earning aren’t sustainable as long-term lifestyles. We all have seasons where there’s a project or situation at hand that might require more out of us than we feel like we can give, that might require more grit, hard work, or determination. But even in those moments…
our limits are meeting points between ourselves and the God who wants to give us pure rest and strength. They are learning opportunities to look to the people around us, express our feelings and needs, and humbly ask for help.
How about a long-term lifestyle of rest? I think it’s there for us! I don’t mean laying around and never committing to anything, but instead living freely, working with joy and integrity and determination, bravely facing fears, and asking God for strength. And when we do feel a limit, we are able to effectively put ourselves in time-out. Maybe for 5 minutes, or a day, or a week.
Then we can pivot with clarity and peace, or continue on to do hard things with a refreshed body, spirit, and soul.
We have a lot to learn about ourselves and what we need at different times, and how to ask for help when we need to. But I’m committed to that learning, for the health of myself, my relationships, and my life.
Now this is the type of time-out I can get behind!
When I feel like I just can’t go anymore, or a situation is draining me, and I crumble into bed and feel that sense of guilt and self-condemnation that I’m just not as strong, effective, or impressive as I wish I was…
I remember Katie. I see her simple way of life and the way she has no limits when she spends time walking around with God in the heavenlies of her heart. It’s an invitation for me to just lay down and be with God.
I hear Paul saying, “Hey, it’s ok to be weak, we all are! Don’t be ashamed. In fact, you can talk about it, because in it, God can do more!” It’s an invitation for me to show up fully as myself, without shame.
I hear Father God’s gentle voice inviting me to crawl up on his lap and just lay there with my head nestled safely in the crook of his neck. It’s an invitation for me to let God love me and fill me up.
If you feel run ragged, if you feel that sense of guilt or self-condemnation, I invite you to surrender to your limits and just rest. Ask God to meet you. Wherever you are spiritually, I guarantee that if you ask, He’ll answer. Maybe in a small way, maybe a big way, I don’t know. But just soak it up, wave the white flag, boast in the weakness, and let yourself get filled up again.
